When the North Pole Melts1
(Copyright 1988 by Captain Sea Level)

Want to tell you 'bout the greenhouse effect and a little ozone hole
That started out over Antarctica, but has now spread to the North Pole.
You will soon see every warm-weather man
At the Jersey Shore in March.
'Long as you use a sunscreen while you tan,
Your skin will never parch.
But What Will Santa Do


When the North Pole Starts to Melt?
What is gonna happen to his little elves?
Will they be too busy swimming to make the toys?
And what will Santa do?
If the North Pole melts too fast
Is this Christmas gonna be his last?
What will parents have to tell their girls and bays?

I used to snowski at Christmas time
But now I ski on a lake.
Scandinavia's now growing lemons and limes
And Quebec has rattlesnakes.
The Sahara desert now has grown
To the entire Continent.
But you do not have to lose your home:
Just trust the government!
But What Will Santa Do...


The Australian Labor Party wants to see the economy grow;
So their platform says that we will tow Santa from the Equator to the South Pole.
If the Russians will get him through the Bering Strait,
The currents can do rest.
But the Conservatives would rather that we make him wait,
And put him to the market test.
But What Will Santa Do?


You may not believe my story because the ending's not very nice,
You may not believe in Santa Claus.
You may not believe in Christ,
But if you don't believe this warning
'Bout the climate and the ozone hole:
Look under your tree one Christmas morning
All you'll see are lumps of coal.
And that's what Santa will do


1. If you need to know the chords that the two guitars were playing, or the choral arrangement, go back to
When the North Pole Melts